Post #7 - Dead Silence

Please note this is a complete SPOILER and I am basically relaying how insanely stupid this movie was for your enjoyment. I suggest seeing the movie before reading this if you have any interest in it being surprise.

2007 Release
Directed by: James Wan
Written by: Leigh Whannell & James Wan
Starring: Ryan Kwanten, Amber Valletta & Donnie Wahlberg

You will notice I am including stills from the movie in this review because I feel that everyone in this movie looked really shitty and I wanted to support this opinion with photographic evidence. I don't know what the problem was exactly, but everyone just looked really crappy and kinda dirty.

Any horror movie starring either of the Wahlberg brothers is definitely going to be a treat, especially when there are evil puppets involved! This is the tale of Jamie Ashen (Kwanten) who returns to his home town to bury his wife Lisa who was brutally murdered. Just before Lisa was murdered a mysterious package arrived containing Billy - a ventriloquist puppet from their past.

Before I go any further I must vent about something... I ABSOLUTELY hated Lisa's hair cut - it bothered me more than anything else in this movie. She looked like an anorexic 9 year old boy to start with, and had a Beatles meets 80's nerd hair cut. I offer this picture as proof. I realize she is only in the movie briefly but what the fuck? Who ok'ed this hair style? How am I supposed to give a shit about this twat when every time I look at her, all I want is to see her killed!!! She does die violently, so that makes me feel alittle better I guess.

Ok, moving on...Ashen returns home and argues with his estranged dad whose dying from like mad cow disease or advanced leprosy or something. Wahlberg plays Detective Lipton, a gruffy hard nosed cop who believes Ashen murdered his wife and sets out to prove it. I am pretty sure he wears the same outfit in every scene and looks like he just rolled out of bed. Clearly there wasn't enough money in the budget for Lisa to get a decent hair cut or a different tie for Det. Lipton. Lipton begins to follow and harass Ashen and overall act like a douche bag. I love how serious Wahlberg is in the movie, like he's trying for an Oscar on this one. Didn't anyone tell him he was in a movie about a murderous puppet? Seriously Donny, thanks for trying but you are ridiciulous.

Anyway, Ashen begins to suspect that the puppet Billy is responsible for his wife's death and decides to investigate on his own. This Mary Shaw bitch who owned Billy was a local ventriloquist who went crazy and is murdered by a bunch of locals who accused her of murdering a child. Out for revenge from the dead, Shaw uses her collection of puppets to carry out her deathly deeds. Whatever... that's the story and don't worry abouth the ending it doesn't matter...what's most important is how stupid this movie is, I loved it. I have watched this movie so many times because it allows me to focus on something and turn off my brain completely, there is literally no reason to think at any point in this movie and I appreciate that.

SO having said all that, I give this movie:

I can't give this movie a 5 because of Lisa's hair cut, I just can't. It bothered me that much. I have seen her in another equally terrible movie and her hair sucked in that movie too.